Counseling

Many of us will kick off each year with New Year’s resolutions. The sad truth about resolutions is that according to Forbes, only 8% of us will achieve the goals we set. Obviously, we could use some help. If you are making a resolution to invest in your relationship with God, you may find these tips useful.At times in our Christian walk, it may be difficult to know if we are walking with God or focusing on things of the world. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul guides us by providing a diagnostic tool for Christians to use to evaluate their lives. In Galatians 5:16-26, Paul compares “works of the flesh” and “fruits of the Spirit.” When you are experiencing jealousy, hostility, strife, or envy, or dealing with issues of lust or anger, you may be more focused on things of the world and not God. When you are experiencing love, peace, joy, patience, and self-control, you are most likely aligned with the Spirit.If you find yourself out of step with the Spirit, do not criticize yourself. Use this as an opportunity to identify an area of growth in your life. Engage in spiritual disciplines such as prayer, Bible study, involvement in a Christian community (small group), or serving those in need. By doing this, you will take steps in growing into the person God created you to be and make progress towards meeting your resolution.

Interestingly, the long-term plan is pretty simple: get invested in a community of believers by joining a small group. This achieves multiple purposes. First, the Apostle Paul tells us to be in community which will encourage us in love and works (Hebrews 10:24-25). Second, Paul tells us God is the God of comfort who will comfort us in all our afflictions. This allows us to comfort others in their time of need (2 Corinthians 3-4). Being in a small group supports Christians in so many ways. As Paul stated, we can be encouraged from a place of love. This means even when you falter, you will still be surrounded by people who genuinely love you and will help you get back on your feet and move forward.

During small group discussions, people quickly realize everyone struggles. This is where the 2 Corinthians passage comes into play. When we are intentional about sharing our sufferings with others and how God supported us through those times, we can begin to come alongside other people in similar circumstances and bring them hope and healing. When we are not invested in a small group, we are not exposed to people who can help us in this manner. God calls us into community, and these are two examples of how and why that community can be the difference between feeling empowered in our struggles or succumbing to hopeless or helpless feelings.

Given our current climate, it seems many of us are struggling to have healthy conversations with others who have different points of view. Whether we’re trying to discuss important topics like diversity, politics, or parenting, or simple ones like whether a dress was blue or gold, we’re finding these exchanges often leave us feeling isolated and disconnected from the community that God calls us into.

Jesus gave directions in the Commandments as he stated, “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Lately, it seems when we engage in these difficult discussions, we place ourselves as the most important person in the conversation. We fail to seek understanding of a differing point of view.

I recommend we turn to Paul’s example in these times. To summarize Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23: to the Jew he became a Jew; to the weak he became weak. Paul became all things to all people so that he could save some. This sends a poignant message. We must first seek understanding of with whom we are talking. We do not have to agree, but we should value each other first and foremost as our neighbor whom God calls us to love. When we can do this well, we can find peace even during difficult conversations.

Jesus gave us a vital directive in Matthew 28:19-20. He informed us that we are to, “Make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.”

I recently attended a Christian counseling conference. I learned some very fascinating things and met some amazing people. One comment that stuck out to me was this, “Ministry starts and ends with the family.” To further this point, the presenter asked, “Do you see your children or are you too busy? Do you see them the way God sees them?”

All of a sudden, the Great Commission had a different meaning to me. How can I expect to disciple others well if I am not doing it well in my own house? For instance, am I talking about faith as often or to the depth at which I am talking about grades or school work? Am I spending more time teaching them how to kick a soccer ball or musical theory compared to being in relationships well? Without realizing it, we are teaching our children what we value based on how we are spending our time together. One of God’s best blessings is the children with whom He entrusts us. The most important thing that we can teach them is how to cultivate a vibrant relationship with Him.

How long has it been since you’ve looked at Moses’ interaction with the burning bush? I want to provide a brief recap in case you’re unfamiliar with the story. In Exodus 3:1-4:17, God instructs Moses to go and address the Pharoah, to be the instrument God has chosen to set His nation free. Moses responds by providing God with four different reasons why he cannot complete the task. Moses questions his own identity, his faith, and his abilities, as well as God’s authority. Beyond this, Moses ultimately asks God to choose someone else.

I love this story because if we are being honest with ourselves, each of us struggles with the same things that Moses named. When we are facing the trials and challenges of life, the noise of our circumstances may rise above the fact that we are called “Masterpiece” by our Father who created the universe. WOW! There may be times when we question our own abilities. We may struggle with obedience or ask God to send someone else when we know He is calling us into uncomfortable situations.

God wants to equip us the same way He equipped Moses. We are called to pray in all things. Do not be afraid to share your doubts with God, just like Moses did.  He wants us to accomplish far more than our perceived limitations may allow us to accomplish. God calls us into community as well. We can see this in God’s direction for Moses to take his brother Aaron with him. In a similar fashion, God will use those around you to support you wherever He is calling you. We are truly never alone when we seek Him with all of our heart, soul, and mind.

The interaction between Peter and Jesus in Matthew’s narrative of Jesus walking on the water is inspiring (Matthew 14:22-33). When Peter saw Jesus on the water, not certain if it was Jesus or a ghost, he said, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus replied, “Come.” Peter stepped out of the boat. Peter’s obedience to respond when called and his faith in Christ allowed him to become the second man to walk on water! But something changed the moment Peter took in his environment, observed the wind, and began to doubt. He lost focus on Jesus and realized he was walking on water; he was overcome with fear and began to sink. He cried out to Jesus and Jesus saved him. But then Jesus said something profound: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

I think in this moment Jesus taught Peter a lesson that is invaluable for all of us. It is not wrong to doubt; notice Jesus asked, “Why did you doubt?” When you experience doubt, take the time to discover the source of your doubt. This could lead to an opportunity for Jesus to strengthen your faith by overcoming your own doubt and fear.

We are called into uncomfortable circumstances and situations. Parenting, job requirements, broken trust, or other challenges can lead us to a place where we doubt. If we take time to identify where that doubt is rooted, we can name it and begin to work through it with the aid of the Spirit, friends, and family. Doubt handled this way can become a source of hope and lead to a deeper relationship with Jesus. This deeper relationship can inspire hope and encourage others to address doubt they are dealing with as well. It could lead to a place where getting out of the boat is not as terrifying as it once was.

The final verse in Genesis 2 (before Adam ate the apple) states, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” It can be easy to read the creation story and focus on the process of creation and not the emotions that should be felt, such as the incredible story of love, connection, and community. For a moment, imagine how Adam felt in the garden when he awoke and saw Eve. What do you think he felt as he gazed upon her the first time…the fascination, the wonderment, the joy of having the perfect helpmate? What do you think Adam thought of God in that moment? God took something that was good and made it even better as only God can.

By thinking in this manner, we can add the word “emotionally” to the verse: Adam and Eve were emotionally naked and were not ashamed. They experienced a truly connected marriage. They allowed themselves to see and know each other in their fullness, not withholding any thoughts, sharing in everything. This type of vulnerability is terrifying for many people. Past hurts and transgressions inflicted upon us by our spouses or others in our lives make us feel that it is not safe to be vulnerable. To protect ourselves, we hide just like Adam and Eve did in the garden after they ate the apple. In hiding, we never learn to heal.

If we could aspire to this type of vulnerability, God could work through our marriages, allowing them to become the means through which brokenness is healed. Rather than hiding from each other, we could use that energy to share our pain and grow together. Vulnerability allows us to experience a deep true connection with our spouse, a connection like Adam and Eve experienced before the fall.

Johnny Cash once said, “Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

It’s common to struggle with allowing our past actions, hurts, or experiences to define our future. I wish I could reclaim the hours I’ve spent wondering what would have been different if I had said this or done that. I am guilty, as many of us are, of allowing my past to have far too much of my energy. I need reminders, such as the Johnny Cash quote, or maybe the cast of Frozen singing “Let it Go” to help me realize our heavenly Father loves us too much to leave us in the wreckage of our past.

Paul captures this sentiment in Philippians 3:12-16. I am drawn to verses 13 and 14: “Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” This message is inspirational and so accurate about what it means to follow Jesus. Our faith is not designed to be sedentary; we are a people of action, a people defined by our willingness to strain forward. We are called to action in community, in prayer, in the study of Scripture as well as our service to others. These actions should cause us to experience a healthy growth from where we currently are to where Jesus is leading us.

If you are not experiencing this growth because of past actions, or maybe you have grown content with where you are in your faith, please contact me. I would be honored to see if we can partner with the Spirit and grow through these circumstances.